12 weeks

Hollie is now 12 weeks old, I really don't know where the last few weeks have gone.

Hollie is so alert, always smiling and looking around, she is growing so much that I've started to put more and more of her clothes away. I'm thinking of trying to do a patchwork quilt with her clothes over the next year, just a lovely way to remember those early days.

Hollie recently discovered her hands, she chomps away on the poor things so much I'm surprised her fingers haven't fallen off. I think it could be very early signs of teething as her gums are a little lumpy so I personally don't think it will be too much longer till we see more signs.

For a couple of weeks now Hollie has started to sleep through the night, She tends to have a bottle around 7/8pm and sleeps next to us on her poddle pod until we go up to bed between 10/11pm, she will then take a few oz's sometimes the whole bottle of milk before sleeping through until anywhere between 5am to 7am. Not sure how much longer this will last so I'm trying to enjoy the sleep as much as possible. 

I find during the day Hollie won't always self settle and if she does will only sleep for 15/20 mins here and there between feeds, but will sleep for quite a while in my arms and on very rare occasions I can put her down so I can go off and do things. I'm hoping in the next few weeks to try and put her in her cot for afternoon naps as I tried this before but Hollie didn't settle after a few times.

Hollie has been doing a number of things recently, she has discovered herself in the mirror and loves looking at herself and smiling.

She has also been trying to turn over, just about gets on her side then rolls back on to her back often with a surprised look on her face. Blowing bubbles is another favourite thing that Hollie like to do, I promise it has nothing to do with me always singing 'I'm forever Blowing bubbles' to her.

Hollie has gone up to drinking 6oz's of milk every 3/4ish Hours. 

Smile Hollie!

Posing for the camera

Hollie & Ellie                            Hollie & Toby

Enjoying the Sun...

Sleepy Hollie...

Cesarean

For as long as I remember I've always said when it comes to giving birth,I want to do anything I can to avoid a cesarean unless it was absolutely vital. 

So going in to be induced and warned it could take up to 5 days, I strangely didn't mind. It never occurred to me I might need a cesarean, maybe I was being nieve so that was the one thing I didn't look up or prepare for because I was going to birth natrualy right? Wrong!

I had been in active labour for quite some time, my waters had broke contracts were near but far until they put me on that bloody hormone drip cranking it up every 20/30 mins. I asked for pethidine then shortly after an epidural while having gas and air, after a while the epidural failed no matter how many 15 minutes went by and I could press that button to realise the pain relief it just wasn't helping. on top of that I had the feeling to push, apparently the epidural needed to be in a bit longer before they like you to start pushing, after the midwife spoke to the more senior midwife I was allowed to push. I was told I was pushing really well but the pain was really bad with the failed epidural I was relying on the gas and air and that was doing noting for me. The senior midwife came to have a look, baby was head down but turned sideways and still high up so no about of pushing was going to help. They started to mention going to theatre to try and manually turn baby and then I could try pushing again but was told if that didn't work then I would have to have a cesarean, this panicked me a bit but they started getting me to sign alsorts of paper work, I think that helped take my mind off things. Once down in theatre I was given a spinal block pain free perfect, if some what bizarre feeling. Two of them tried manually turning her but she wasn't  budging, they decided that a cesarean was needed. I had started to panick again but I had other things to take my mind off it such as, "Is James ok?" "Can you turn the music back on?" " can I have a drink?" The next thing I knew she was here at 19:57, weighing 6lbs 8oz. 

Now this is what I found hard, I couldn't have the immediate skin to skin contact with her. It was over half hour and when I was in recovery before I got to hold her and have skin to skin. James got to hold her and it was so beautiful to see, but I longed for that touch It felt like a very very long time before I got to hold her in my arms. 

When we were taken to the ward, I couldn't do anything because of the spinal block and the cesarean area. James put her in her nappy and sleepsuit, but I was stuck in the bed unable to move or see much. Once James had gone, anytime I felt Hollie needed attention or She wanted a feed I had to ring for someone to help. I found this so hard as I just wanted to do these things for my newly baby daughter, it was my job to do that not someone else's. It was like this for most of my stay in the hospital, I had to ring for help to feed her, change her or move her I felt useless, yes I understand that I needed the cesarean, yes Hollie was here safe and well but I hated being in pain, hated not doing those important things in her first few hours & days. Coming home was so much better, finally able to do more for her. It still hurt to move, so still had to rely on James to do certain things and at times the area really hurt and I remember crying at times because I just wanted to be able to pick her up without it hurting. It took a good few weeks for me to be able to do things without relying on anyone, 10 weeks on and the area is still sore at times I've herd this can take a while to heel.I have only left her with James once for a little while not long at all, even when I'm in the bath I'm constantly asking if she is ok.I feel I have to be the one to see to her, much prefer to as I don't want to miss out on anything like I did at the start. 

I joke about not having to do any of the first nappies, but really I feel guilty, upset if I had just tried that little harder. I know one day I won't feel like this, as I've said I understand the reasons for the cesarean and Hollie arrived happy and healthy, but If I'm blessed with being pregnant again I really want to try natrualy and again would try my best to avoid a cesarean. 

1st Mother's Day

I had a lovely first Mother's Day, we didn't really do anything as the F1 was back on (yes we both love watching it) so we spent the day inside. 

Hollie did very well & I felt very loved. 

I also loved my little Happy Book and Hollie's first picture! 

Today Hollie is 9 weeks old

This week Hollie had her first lot of injections and dealt with it very well, at the time only crying for a few seconds. Later that evening she was very unsettled, not taking her bottle and not really sleeping and I don't blame her two injections at the same time In both legs ouch. We decided to give her some calpol and she settled into a sleep before drinking her milk and settling for the night. For the last few days since her injections she has been of allsorts, either not sleeping at all and being unsettled or being very sleepy, taking small amounts of her milk. But through it all she is still smiling and hopefully will be back to her normal self soon. 

We have also been on a few walks this week and enjoying the sunshine. 

10 Things I've found useful in the first 8 weeks.

Tiny Baby Clothes- (unless you defently know you are having a bigger baby) get at least one or two sleepsuits and vests, In tiny/newborn size. I was told Hollie would more than likely be a bigger baby due to the gestational diabetes, but Hollie was 6lbs 8oz and James had to go out and buy some sleepsuits in a smaller size. We still had trouble finding what fitted and a lot of new baby/up to 1month didn't fit, It doesn't help that the sizing in all shops are different. 

Maternity pads- Not very glamorous but I went through a lot, my cousin gave me a big pack and I used them all plus some. so having them at hand really helps with the after bleed. 

Breast pads/supportive bra- I Breast fed/expressed for a few days before deciding to formula feed Hollie, that meant I had to dry up my milk. I leaked a fair bit in the first few days, anything would trigger it hot water, Hollie crying, Hollie near them, knocking them, everything triggered them to leak so Breast pads and a very good supportive bra/sports bra is needed for a couple of weeks or until your milk dries up. 

Easy to hand snacks/drinks- snacks that can be left on the table next to you, so you are able to reach when you are stuck on the sofa for a few hours. Believe me it's not fun not being able to move when you are getting hungry and no one is to hand to help get you something. I found drinking a lot of water in the first few weeks just helped keeping me alert. 

Quick easy meals- following on from snacks, quick easy meals are handy. You can guarantee no matter how you time it baby will need feeding when you go to have your dinner, so by the time you go to eat it starts getting late. 

Peppermint Tea- After having a c-section you are left feeling really bloated. In hospital they gave me peppermint water and it really helped. I couldn't find any when I got home but peppermint tea does the trick too. The tea also feels very cleansing. 

Ready made small bottles of formula- We have found these really helpful for the nights, you can give them at room temperature or warm them up a little. We also find them really handy for when we are out and about. 

Scratch Mittens- sounds quite simple but Hollie is still wearing hers as she loves to grab her face and no matter how much we cut her nails she still manages to scratch her face. We also found they lost there elasticity quite quickly and fall off. So it's worth investing in a few pairs. 

Muslins- Have them everywhere as many as you can. We were told we would need plenty. I think we underestimated how many we would use, so be warned. 

Nappies- In 5 weeks we went through 4 boxes of 74 and that doesn't include the little pack we took into the hospital. So stock up on any deals that you see, it's amazing how many you can use. 

Dear Mummy

Dear Mummy

You're doing ok, I know it's hard to see at the moment through your tired eyes. 

I'm sorry I start to cry when you lay me down to sleep in the cot or beside you in the carry cot, you see there is one place I like to be and that's in your arms close to your chest where I hear your heartbeat. See I remember it Mummy from when I was is your tummy that's what soothes me Mummy, not the mobile on the cot not the silly songs you sing but being close to you. 

I'm sorry you don't get much housework done, I'm sorry I don't let you have that cup of tea you have been wanting since the morning, I'm sorry I don't give you time to do your hair & make up, but mummy I'm still very small you see. so cherish the moments that I fall asleep in your arms close to your chest as I'm growing day by day mummy, so soon I won't be able to. Dont worry about those things you want to do mummy, I won't remember those. What I will remember though is the comfort of your arms, the closeness of being on your chest and the sound of your Heartbeat, the place I love to be. 

Oh remember mummy you're doing ok! 

Xx 

8 weeks 2 days

3rd March 2015...

I'm currently sat with the baby monitor on next next to me,as she has gone up for her afternoon nap. I can hear the mobile playing and I'm sure I'm going to fall asleep before Hollie does, she hasn't slept since before 7am so is getting a bit cranky.

Hollie doesn't have any set routine as such yet, she like's to have a fair bit of awake time but when she sleeps she tends to sleep did 3ish hours at a time. 

I've started to introduce her going into her cot for her afternoon nap as I found she was relying on sleeping on me and I was unable to get anything done, it takes a little while but sometimes she settles. 

We went along to the local children's center this morning to get Hollie weighed, she is now 9lbs 5oz. So has gained since her last weight check 3 weeks ago. 

We decided to go for a walk this morning to get some fresh air, we ended up going for 40 minutes & it's safe to say I'm unfit! Hopefully once the weather is better we will be able to get out a bit more. 

3 sleeps to go..

31st December 2014.. 

I'm laying in the bath watching my bump moving around, I could watch you for hours knowing that you are safe and warm. 

I'm feeling quite emotional knowing that you will be with us soon, I keep thinking this is all a dream and someone will wake me up. nearly 9 months on and it still doesn't feel real. 

I can't wait to meet you, have you in my arms counting your ten little fingers and toes, finally getting to see who you take after me or your daddy. Your daddy has beautiful Blue eyes where as I have hazel, we both had white blonde hair as babies so we can't wait to see if you follow suit. 

I'm longing to hear you take your first breath and hear the sounds of your cry, but be reassured I will be there to comfort you straight away and wrap you up warm and welcome you into the big wide world. 

2 months old!

How is this even possible? Hollie has changed so much since coming along 2 months ago, my tiny little squishy is becoming a big squishy! Hollie's legs never seem to end.. 

Hollie has started to focus more on things and following them with her eyes. She has also discovered her mouth & hands so has been chomping away on her hand,poking her tongue out & blowing bubbles. We have also noticed how she lives standing in her feet and bouncing off my poor belly, I don't think it will be too long till we will be getting a door bouncer! 

We got Hollie a Tummy Time activity toy, I'm not sure she has quite got the hang of it as she loves kicking her legs and goes flying over it! So we really have to keep an eye on her and hope she gets the idea of it soon. 

We visited Windsor on Saturday, Hollie slept through most of the day and had a little peek at the ducks & swans. 

Hollie has her first set of jabs this week, unsure how I'm feeling about them so may have to get Daddy to do the holding & I can just do the giving lots of hugs after!